I was just pilfering through my old entries in this thing, and looking at what I was doing a year ago at this time, and I wasn’t really doing a whole lot, except for working at the gap, working out, chillin’ with my family, and wishing I was in vancouver. Isn’t it weird how much things can change in one year? One year later I am working two jobs (child care and bke SEAMStress), working out, kickin it with my homies in vancouver, living on my own (which I would have never even dreamed of one year ago), going to school (and supposed to be doing homework right now), and livin it up!!
I love my life now, but one thing I do miss is my relationship with God…it hasn’t been as strong since I’ve been here, and I know that is due to my lack of time spent with him. I miss being in love with God, hearing his voice, and trusting him with all of my heart…I miss it. I feel like I have a lot more distractions in my life now. And when I try to hear God’s voice, I am always second guessing….I can’t tell the difference anymore between my thoughts and his voice. It is kind of like being trapped inside yourself. My relationship with him was so pure then, and now it is like if I have time or feel like it. I don’t like that. Then, having a “relationship” on top of that is really distracting……..
take a look:

i am excited for his plans for me, but i am the only thing that is holding me back from the amazing things he has for me. like, i just keep thinking to myself “God, these are the things that have been my dreams for so long, are you really giving them to me??”
just disbelief, i guess.
but i love him, and he never ceases to amaze me.

one of my old entries from last december.

I just want jesus again, I want him to be my everything and nothing else, the way he used to be. I am tired of things taking his place.
how candid.